Karen Louise Barker
My Personal Website
A Little Personal History
Through middle part of the 70’s I was being brought up in the rough and tumble world of boys and boys toys. As I took more notice of the world around me, just watching the girls being girls held a fascination that I could not ignore, and desperately wanted to be part of it.
By the age of 10, I had tried on some of my mothers’ clothes and dabbled in her make-up. There were a few close calls when my parents came home earlier than expected but I was lucky enough to never be caught. Occasions such as carnivals, and Halloween etc. presented plenty of opportunities to dress publicly as a girl, but I always shied away in fear of giving up my secret. My first real chance to dress more frequently came after leaving home to go to University. I can still visualise that scene now. Some frumpy old knee length skirt, a badly fitting bra stuffed with a pair of old socks, and pair of mid-heeled shoes, but it was a start and the clothes were MINE!
What Happened Next…
• After Graduation, came Marriage,
• After Marriage came Divorce,
• After Divorce, Karen came back......
...and she came back with a vengeance!
During the late 90's, the best time to dress came when away on
frequent
business trips. These events were restricted to the hotel rooms, and any
venture outside was always a nocturnal affair, where the cover of
darkness provided a lot of extra confidence. I soon realised that Karen
was an integral part of my life and should not be kept in the closet and
so began the process of bringing her to life.
As time passed I eventually plucked up the courage to have my legs
waxed as
an alternative to shaving. I was quite
open and honest with salon about my secret and the
results were truly great, clean and smooth legs. Several more
appointments later I was discussing makeup and other girly stuff at leisure
with them and finally asked if they would provide a make up lesson. I
cannot recall exactly how it transpired but this led up to the first
occasion I went out in daylight dressed with some noticeable confidence.
What a feeling it was, emotions were on overtime that day, terrified,
nervous yet liberated and ecstatic.
Even
after taking these extra steps I remained shy and in the closet
venturing out only occasionally and only in familiar, secluded
surroundings. My own makeup skills never really developed, and my choice
of hair styles in those days really left a lot to be desired. 2003 came
and went and in 2004 after a lot of frustration and contemplation, I
took the giant step of making an appointment for a make-up lesson and
style advice session with Jodie Lynn at the Boudoir in London. All I can
say is WOW!, what an experience it was. It was one of the best moves ever and since then
I have have grown in confidence every day.
Through the internet I eventually I found my way to The Angels, and Roses web sites, both of which have proved to be an invaluable source of advice, conversation, and friendship. It did not take long to realise I am not alone and my circumstances are far from being unique. Still there are things that need to be done, dreams to be fulfilled and since these ground breaking days, I have made many new friends and progressed in the real world. Not five years earlier attending events such as the Magic Theatre in London, where I could glam up, and express myself in a very feminine, girly, glamourous way, or going shopping in full public view would have been only a dream. Now its seems a normal routine. Other highlights in recent years include meeting, Teela, at Transpose in Ellesmere Port, a person who has such an open personality and just breaths confidence into any body that cares to contact her. Tracey at Trans-Femme, who is a genius with a camera and also inspires people to do more, as well as many many more special people.
What does the future hold..? Well, I don’t really know but I still
have so much to experience and
contribute. What I can say is that as you get older you also becoming
wiser, and looking back on my experiences I can see now that I am one
person, with the benefit of two perspectives, and that has helped me in
recent years. So thanks to everybody that has helped me get this far.
KarenB xXx